I don't know what life is anymore...

I've been lied to. Spat on. Kicked. Shoved. Insulted. Battered. Bruised. Broken. Shattered.

I can go on and on. I can't be the person I'm told to be. Does that mean I'm weak? I cannot comply with the demands that I am given. I cannot do the things that I am told to do. I cannot give myself 100% to anyone, in anything I do. I'm useless. I'm just a wasted scrap of human life who has no excuse to live anymore...So, why do I stay here? Why do I keep putting myself through a constant hell every single day of my life?

Because...

With everyday that I spend here, in this life, I get stronger. I'm growing into a different person. A person who doesn't want to run and hide from everyone and everything anymore. I can be myself...I can be the person that I've wanted to be all along. . .

And it's all because of one person.

Aaron Thomas:

Thank you for saving my life. You pulled me out of the way, just in time...

So, everything's good now, right?

My life is finally back in order...in a way, I guess. Things aren't as stressful, and I'm doing better in my relationships. So, everything should be good now, right?

WRONG!

I've learned from the past to never settle my thoughts in comfort. I always get hurt, or things change so suddenly, my mind goes bonkers. I'm confidiant in my choices. I know that I am right when I think this. It shouldn't be a big deal...

So, then why do so many people tell me I'm wrong, when they themselves have never gone through what I've gone through? What gives them the right to tell me what I know?

I drive myself nuts with the craziest thoughts...

Forget What I Just Posted...

I have more news. Well...not news, persay. Just a rant. Another rant by a pyscho loon. Seeing as I can't use tumblr here at school, I've to use Blogger...

Anyway...the rant. Why can't the school allow us to use certain sites? What's wrong with Facebook, or Twitter, or MySpace? Yeah, I understand about porn sites and all that, some people are idiots like that...but what's wrong with YouTube and Mibba? Nothing! They are sites that people use everyday to communicate with the outter world. And the school takes that away from us, all the time. Everyday. I mean, what are we supposed to do when we have a research project due, and all the sites with the information is blocked? And the school is the only place that we have internet access? Well? What are we supposed to do? Fail it? I'm guessing that that's what the school wants us to do.

Anyhow...That's just part one of my little rant.

I also wanted to rant about labels. Yeah, that's right, labels. Not soup can labels, or food labels. I mean the labels that other people stamp on other people. It's barbaric. And idiotic, and not to mention RUDE! I know what it's like to be called another name and have it stick. I was called "emo" for years, and that shit was hard to shake! I've always believed that labels were for material things, not people. And I've been told that it's not "labelling" it's simply observing and commenting. I'm sorry, but calling a girl who's wearing a short skirt and tank-top a slut, isn't just observing and commenting. It's plain mean. They don't even factor in what's going on, just what she's wearing and how she looks in it. It could be hot out, her work uniform, the only thing she had left in her closet, it could be a number of things! But they choose to call her a slut and write her off that way. It's horrible the way that shit works. It hurts me to see things like that happen to everyday people. Why can't labels remain in label makers and be used for labelling a shelf?

C'mon people, stop the idiotic behavior. Seriously, don't judge a person and write them off before you get to know them. It's just bad manners.

Anyhow...I know that this rant was probably not worth reading...but it's up and it's here to stay. Got it?

I'm Tumblin' Now.

Well, guys...this may be my last post, seeing as I'm on tumblr now. 

www.strangexblasphemy.tumblr.com

I'm not, I repeat am not going to delete my blog here. I've worked too damn long and fuckin' hard to piss away all of my thoughts on a whim. It took effort to think up all those! 

I will still be using this site to rant and rave while I am at school, but that is it. I'd use tumblr, but that's blocked at my school. I know that you guys may or may not miss me, but this is how it is now. I don't want to change that. So, please...do not forget me...keep reading my thoughts, and come see me on tumblr! I hope that I am as good there I as I was here. 

Thank you all for taking the time to read my blog, I wish you all the best. 

So long and Good - Night,

Lizzie.

Wow! I'm a real person!

I actually did something that I have only done once in my whole life...I cleaned my entire room, top to bottom, by myself. I even moved the furniture, all on my own. I seriously wowed my Dad. When I stopped and looked around myself, I realized that my room being clean, signifies a change within myself. I'm changing. I'm leaving everything that used to be me, behind. I mean, I'm not completely different, it's just that I'm no longer the same person I once was. I don't want a messy room anymore. I used to go crazy if my room was cleaned. Childish things don't appeal to me anymore, either. I've seen this. The things that I used to take pleasure in doing don't make me happy anymore.

I'm scared, to be honest. I don't want to change. I want to stay the way I am. I don't think I'm ready to be a fully formed person with ideas and values and morals. I want to be a kid! I don't want this. I'm only seventeen! Make this stop! I know that I should just lay back and accept this fact of life, but I won't do it without a fucking fight! I will never be taken alive.

Daddy

I want you to say, “I’m proud.”
When I do my best.
I want you to say, “You tried.”
When I don’t.

I want you to say, “Try again.”
Whenever I fail.
I want you to say “You’re okay.”
Whenever I fall.

I want you to say, “I’ll be there.”
Whenever I need you.
I want you to say, “I promise.”
When I know you’ll keep it.

I want you to say, “Get well soon.”
Whenever I fall ill.
I want you to say, “I’m glad you are better.”
When I heal.

I want you to say, “Go for it.”
When I tell you my dreams.
I want you to say, “I’ll hold you.”
Whenever I cry.

But most of all, I want you to say, “I love you.”

Because I do not know if you do.
I want to say, “I love you too.”
But I don’t know if I love you back.

3-23-09
By: Emily E. Smith

Crush of the Week 6?

I forget what week this is...but here they are!

Luminor -  He was once the ever so talented keyboardist and backing vocalist for Cinema Bizarre. He may be gay, but that doesn't stop him from being AWESOME!

Lafee -  The extremely talented pop-star from Büsbach, Germany. She is not only gorgeous, she is a very talented artist with great songs.