Lass mich Gehen

Lass mich gehen. Bitte, ich will zu gehen. Hilf mir fliegen. Konnen Sie bitte mir im hilfen? Wenn nichts mehr gehts, lass mich fliegen. Ich werde weg fliegen. Ich finden keinen trost hier. Ich kann nicht frei sein. Lass mich sterben. Bitte, hilf mir in das respekt. Ich will zu fliegen.

Hilf mir in diese respket. Bitte. Das ist alle ich will von dich.

Danke, 

Lizzie Smith...

Tired of this feeling...

I am tired of feeling so sick. I want to tell her how I feel. I want to tell her what is really going on inside my mind. I want to tell her what she did wrong. I want her to know that I remember what I have repressed.

Looking back, I can see all the things you did to me. I have fought so hard to forget what I did not want to remember. I fought so hard to get my mind in order. I worked so hard to erase what you did to me from my mind. I came out of it a broken person. Tattered and torn, broken and dying from the parasitic memories eating away at my brain. And you haven't even noticed! I couldn't bring myself to be around you. Hugging you was like bathing in acid or putting on a hornet coat! When you smiled at me when I was eight, I felt a jolt of fear shooting through my body. I could never recall what it was about you that made me so afraid, but now I know. I know what you did to me.

You see, I needed help. After years of breaking my back trying to remember, I found that the only thing that could help, was to hurt myself. Oh yes, I have bled myself dry with thoughts of you. When I went to get help, it only made things worse. I remembered what I had been fighting to forget...


To be continued, when I'm not on the verge of tears. This really happened to me, when I was younger...It's hard for me to discuss, so I am blogging it, instead.

Signing off.

I am being forced to sign off, for now. But I will be back, when I have more thoughts to share. If I am not dead by then.

Well...

Well, I really do not have a lot of time to post. I just wanted to say...well, let's just let this one be continued.

My Wonderland

A Wonderland. That sounds nice. A place where no one can find me, where no one can tell me where to go, what to do, who to be...that sounds like heaven. A place where life makes sense to me, and I can breathe on my own. A place where music rules and sports sit in the sidelines. A place where nothing else matters. A place where I can be alone with the stars whenever I ask. A safe place, filled only with the people I want around. A place I can fly freely and fall gracefully. A place where my mind is my own possession. A place where music is the obsession. A place where there is no religion to tell me how to be free. A place where I can judge right and wrong by my terms. A place where my life is my own.

Where the sun shines and the snow falls, whenever I want it to. A place where all the stars can meet in the night sky. A place free from disease and illness. Where injury is just a myth. Where pain is only a rumor. Where love is the reigning emotion. Where peace is a commonly known feeling. Where lies do not exist and honesty is the only policy. Where people can express themselves as freely as they like...

A place I can call home. Where can I find this Wonderland? Only in my dreams. That I know for sure. And on days where I am all alone, I can't wait to fall asleep and visit my Wonderland.

Finally, I have found a great band!

Yep! I have found a band to listen to since the Cinema Bizarre break-up. And they are called The Higher. I was listening to Escape the Fate's "10 Miles Wide" on the YouTube channel for Epitaph records, when I saw a link for the song "It's Only Natural". Now, normally, I don't click random things, but this time, I took a chance that I do not regret. I started listening to the song, with some skepticism, at first, but as the tune played on, I began to like it! Now, usually, I have this rule. I listen to three songs by a band, and if they are all good, then the rest of their stuff might be too. But it didn't play out that way this time. I went to aimini.net and did a search for The Higher, and came up with three pages of results. As I searched them on Wikipedia, I saw that the songs on aimini were simply the third and fourth album. I downloaded the fourth one, entitled "It's Only Natural" and fell in love with the songs "Other Options", "Black Dress", and "Beautiful Coffin". Now, if this band is worth a blog entry from me, than I know that they are good! So, go listen to them! Seriously, they rock!

The story behind this band is that they are from Vegas, and that they are a pop punk band. I don't know much about them just yet, but I can see myself manifesting this obsession rather quickly. I don't know how to describe them, really. I guess it's the freshness and simplicity of the lyrics and the imagery that really draws me to them. When Seth Trotter sings, my day just seems better. And I've only known of them for...about...ten hours! Never has a band become my favorite in such a short time. It takes a lot to catch my ear, and The Higher really proved that to me with "It's Only Natural". Congrats, guys, you have passed my test! Kudos to you and best of luck in the future.