Funny Ass Quotes and Other Random Shit

Here I am, having even more fun with Copy-And-Paste

Quotes/Fun Sayings

When it rains on my party... I break out the slip 'n' slide!

Flying is easy! Just throw yourself at the ground and miss!

Don't take life too seriously: You'll never get out alive!

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away and you have their shoes.

Good friends are Gods way of apologizing for family.

Parents spend the first years of our lives teaching us to walk and talk... and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

The statistics on sanity is the one out of every four Americans are suffering from mental illness. Think of your three best friends... if they seem okay, then it's you.

I used to be normal... thats until I met the freaks that I call friends.

You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor.

Dancing by yourself is not crazy, it is fun!

People say talking to yourself is a sign of being mental... Well, I'm just trying to have an intelligent conversation!

Keep Smiling... It makes people wonder what your up too!

-All things considered, insanity be the only reasonable alternative.'s

-Let flip a coin-heads we'll be together, tails we flip again.

-Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

-Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

-Boys are like slinkies, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

-Why is it that people are fine with everyone having a different job or going to a different school, but if you say you follow a different religion, you are weird?

-There are 3 reasons to go through the day: Coffee in the morning, friends in the afternoon, and a good book for the rest of the day.

-Note to Self: Normal is just a setting on washing machines.

-I'm going to live forever, or die trying.

-If I had something good to say, I would have already said it.

-Employee of the month is a good example of how someone can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.

-Never knock on Death's door-ring the bell and run away. Death really hates that.

-Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

-If you get a low enough SAT score, you should be able to park in the handicap space.

-Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening.

-I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.

-Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

-Education is important; school however, is another matter.

-Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up.

-You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder!

-Hello. You have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are, where you are from, and what you want so there is no need to leave a message.

-That, my children, is called a wall. But beware the wall is solid. Yes be afraid! Be very afraid for we cannot walk through it! Believe me children, for I have attempted this many times before.

-Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

-Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them.

-The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

-I got an A in philosophy because I proved my professor doesn’t exist.

-If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.

-Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are the same number of letters?

-Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them?

-There are no stupid questions – just a bunch of inquisitive idiots.

-Politics is war without bloodshed. War is politics with bloodshed.

-High School Musical 3 and Saw V were the two top movies at the box office when they opened. One depicted gruesome on screen torture. The other was about a guy with a saw.

-It takes 47 muscles to frown, 13 to smile and absolutely none to sit there with a dumb look on your face.

-I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

-I do not deny everything.

-Sometimes the mind, for reasons we do not necessarily understand, just decides to go the store for a quart of milk.

-The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it is unfamiliar territory.

-Always proofread to make you sure you don’t any words out.

-I'm not short I'm fun sized.

-Love me or hate me personally I could care less

-Unless you've lived my life, don't judge me because you don't know, never have & never will know every little thing & detail about me

-You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then.

-When you get caught looking at him, remember he was looking back.

-Girls are like phones, we love to be held, and talked to but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

-I'm the type of girl who will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened a year ago : )

-Isn't it ironic . . . we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us

-Don't follow in my footsteps . . . I run into walls.

-Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hot-line. If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5, 6. If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want so stay on the line and we'll trace your call. If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be sent to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you. If you are dislexic press 6, 9, 6, 9, 6, 9. If you have a nervous disorder fidget with the hatch key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep. If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later and if you have low self esteem, hang up; all our operators are too busy to talk to you.

-Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.

-Before you criticize some one, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you’re a mile away and you still have their shoes.

-An apple a day, keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

-I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive. (this is so true for me :P)

-When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep-- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

-Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and freak slap that idiot upside the head.

-I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.

-A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

-You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

-Who ever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door.

-What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

-We could all take a lesson from crayons: some are sharp, some are beautiful, some have weird names, all are different colors, but they still learn to live in the same box. (but what if there fighting and kicking each other out when wee not looking oo scary.)

-I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

-You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.

-A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

-Love your enemies! It really ticks them off.

-Shut up voices! Or I'll poke you with a Q-tip again!

-Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

-Friend's will always be like “well you deserve better” but best friends will be prank calling him saying “you will die in seven days”

-EMO kids have cool hair.

-Excuse me... have you seen my sanity... I think I lost it.

-Why is Donkey Kong called “DONKEY” Kong if he’s a monkey?

-If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?

-364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from
strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?