I am very unhappy with the way my life is heading. For the most part, anyway. I can't seem to stay in tune with my surroundings. I fear that with all of the people that I have met, and that I have grown so attched to, I will wind up hurting someone in some way. And that's a scary thing! I hate thinking that way, but it's just a simple fact of life. Fears are common, no matter what I do, and where I go. I want to go to Germany. I want to go there and never look back at the ones who have hurt me. And in an earlier post, I stated that when I leave, I'm not going to see my Father again. I meant that I will never visit him, and I don't want him to visit me. That's the bottom line. I don't want anything to do with the man who makes me so unhappy with my life. He has got me stuck in a fantasy world. Every day, I am escaping to another world, just to free myself from what he has to say. And in my little fantasy world, he doesn't exist. He never did.
I guess that I need to listen to Cinema Bizarre's "Forever Or Never" and "Escape to the Stars" more often. Those are the two songs in my life that are really making an effort to help me change. I know that I can. I just have to believe, and I won't fail. But if I don't, then I will know that I tried.
Does that make any sense? Or am I being a whiney bitch.
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It makes some since. When I suggested earlier about the planes, I meant you friends... sorry if you thought I implied something else.
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