I'm really a nice person.

No one ever believes me when I say that I am a nice person. I guess that the reason is that they only remember my temper. And my temper is wicked bad. I mean, I go all out. I scream, I yell, I kick...it's really scary. And people look at me when I'm like that and back down. And when I'm not like that, they still look at me as though I'm going to go completely ape shit on them. But I'm not like that! I'm the kind of person who will forgive and forget in a matter of moments. I don't hold grudges, I just keep a good memory of what's going on. I've never held anything against anyone. That's not right. We all make mistakes, and we shouldn't have to pay for them when we need something at a given time. Holding something over someone's head is like playing God, and that's frowned upon in most modern societies.

I'm the kind of person who will help someone out, no matter what they've done to me in the past. I put it all behind me, and I try to help them. If that person is alone, and crying, it takes me back to the days when that was me sitting all alone with no one to talk to. And that hurts, it really does. No one should have to go through that, so I do what ever I can to make sure that no one has to go through that. Even if that person was responsible for it happening to me. I hate being walked on though. I hate being used, and being the way I am, that does happen a lot.

I don't know how many times I've been what I like to call "the starter friend". It happens when you befriend someone who is new. They become your best friend and things are fine...until they develop their own associates. Then they completely forget about you and everything you've done for them. It really fucking hurts. But that's the world we live in. It's really a shame when someone is used for something as pure as friendship. It takes a lot for me to develop relationships with people. And to have someone rip it all away from me, when they get their own friends, that really hurts my psyche. It makes me paranoid that everyone else is going to do that to me. And usually I'm right. I saw this guy sitting by himself at lunch, and I invited him to sit with my friends, and he did. For a while. Then he made his own friends, and left us. I still see him from time to time and we share a hello, but that's it.

I have learned that being a nice person doesn't always pay, but it's better to be loved than feared. They say that nice guys finish last, if that's true, than I'd rather come in dead last than cheat my way to the top spot.

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